The Vanishing Mediator

Having fun on the internet.

better than all other buys

I am sure that all of you, my readers, know the big-box retailer called Best Buy. But have you heard of these failed spinoffs?

Beast Buy
A pet store.
Blessed Buy
A store that tried to bring back the Catholic practice of selling indulgences.
Breast Buy
A single-focus plastic surgeon. Best known for the “Lunchtime Lift,” a service that cost only $39.95+tax. (Successful, but sued out of existence by Victoria’s Secret.)
Blast Buy
A fireworks emporium. Open July 2nd through 5th.
Best By
A supermarket that tried to offer the lowest prices by selling food that was about to pass its expiration date.
Pest Buy
An insect and rodent exterminator.
Pressed Buy
North America’s largest purveyor of olive and avocado oils.
Passed By
The store at the exit on the highway that you just missed. It is the only one that sells your eight-year-old daughter’s favorite brand of juice, and the last one with a bathroom for the next 152 miles.